


Breathe In and Breathe Out

by cant_pick_a_ship



Series: jatp fics bc i'm bored [3]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alex Mercer Has A Sibling (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex Mercer Has Anxiety (Julie and the Phantoms), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Child Neglect, Demiboy Willie, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Good Person Bobby | Trevor Wilson, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Multi, No beta we die like Sunset Curve, Panic Attacks, Reggie Peters Backstory (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Peters Character Study (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Peters Has Bad Parents (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Peters Has a Sibling (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Peters Needs a Hug (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Peters-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), Trans Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), bobby died too, he/they Reggie, wow thats a lot of tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29825556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cant_pick_a_ship/pseuds/cant_pick_a_ship
Summary: Five times that Reggie has panic attacks without help, and one time he’s with friends.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Alex Mercer & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters, Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Flynn & Alex Mercer & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters & Willie, Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters, Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters/Willie, Flynn & Julie Molina, Flynn/Julie Molina if you squint, Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: jatp fics bc i'm bored [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150409
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65





	1. 1993 - Age 15

**Author's Note:**

> TW//Panic attack and yelling parents  
> Please don't read if these make you uncomfortable  
> I was not alive in the 90s so I'm sure how accurate this is
> 
> For the years I'm just going off of him being 17 in 1995

“That was the best practice we’ve had all month!” Luke exclaimed, sitting heavily on the worn leather couch.

Alex set his drumsticks on the drum and pulled his hair away from his eyes. “We should have a movie night to celebrate, what do you say Reg?”

“Yeah sure, I’ll need to leave after the movie though.”

“Yeah no problem dude, come on we’ll watch star wars or something.”

The three of them settled on the couch all close to each other as the movie played. As the movie played they all moved. By the end of it Alex was laying on the couch with Reggie’s head on his chest fast asleep. Luke had his lap under Alex’s head with his hand running through the blond’s hair.

“Is Reg asleep?” Alex whispered.

“Yeah I think.” Luke softly moved the hand that was in Alex’s hair to Reggie’s and took to rubbing up and down Alex’s arm. “Should we wake him and walk him home?”  
Alex tried to look at the younger one on his chest, but wasn’t able to see past the styled black hair. “Just let him sleep. He seems so tired all the time, his parents have probably been at it again.”

Reggie shifted in their sleep and Alex held his breath, hoping that he hadn’t spoken too loudly.

Luke shifted Alex and Reggie on his lap. “Here we need to move really slowly okay? Don’t worry too much about Reggie; he’s been asleep a while and you know he sleeps like the dead once he’s been out for an hour.”

Alex made a noise of agreement. “Probably because of the yelling at home.”

“Definitely because of the yelling at home.

“Are you sure he’s been asleep long enough?” Alex asked. 

Luke nodded quickly. “Yeah. Okay, here I’ll help you sit up okay? Just pick Reggie up like a Koala and I’ll pull the bed out.”

“Okay, but if he wakes up I’m blaming you.”

“Yeah yeah, okay.”

Alex slowly sat up off Luke’s lap and waited for Luke to stand before standing up with Reggie. Alex waived until Luke pulled out the couch and covered it with the fitted sheet. He piled three blankets over the end of the bed and waited for Alex to lay Reggie down before covering them with the blankets. The leather jacket was pulled off of his arms and replaced with one of Alex’s soft sweatshirts. 

"Don't forget to take off your binder Luke. If you sleep in it again I'll forcibly remove it off of your body."

"Okay okay let me go change in the bathroom then."

Luke and Alex both got changed into pajamas and brushed their teeth with the toothbrushes that they kept at the studio. They climbed into bed on both sides of Reggie and let sleep overcome them.

When Reggie woke up they were confused, they were warm and definitely not in their bed. When he realized he was in the studio he quickly got out of the bed and removed Alex’s sweater. They watched as the older two of them grabbed onto each other in their sleep in replace of Reggie.

The leather jacket was pulled back over the familiar shoulders as the cold December air entered the room.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Reggie could hear the fighting from two houses down. They slipped through the front door hoping to go unnoticed and that the fighting was in his father’s office. It was in the kitchen, which is straight off the entryway.

To their luck neither were paying him any attention and he ran up the stairs to his room and shut it behind them. They could still hear the fighting from downstairs.

“It’s your fault! You’re the one who created him!” His father yelled.

“You helped!” she screeched. “I can’t make a baby on my own. Maybe if you were around instead of off with another woman every weekend he’d have turned out better.”

There was a slap on a counter. “I’m making all the money not you! It was your job to raise him not mine! Adeline turned out just fine which means that Reggie must be your fault!”

“Addie turned out good because Reggie has been acting like her parents since she was one!" There was a deep sigh during the moment of silence. "It was both of our jobs, John! Both of us okay? We both messed up, that makes us even.” His mother tried to defuse the situation.

Reggie let out a breath, the fight would come to a stop and he’d wake up to both of them gone.

“I'm not her father I have no responsibility for that girl. You are home every hour of every day. You’re the reason that Reginald is a fuck up. You’re the reason that he’s going nowhere in life. You’re the reason that Reginald will be dead on the streets by twenty because he’s chasing an impossible and stupid dream.”

Reggie didn't understand why they only argued about him. It was probably because Addie was only five, or maybe because she wasn't John's to argue about. The arguments in his house never fully made sense.

The words echoed in Reggie’s mind. They bounced around his skull until all he could hear were his father’s words over and over again. His breathing came in short jagged breaths and he couldn’t stop himself from shaking. He wrapped their flannel and their leather jacket around them tighter hoping to calm himself but it didn’t work.

He sat curled up in the corner of his room for an hour before exhaustion took over and he fell asleep. The flannel still wrapped tightly around them.


	2. 1994 - Age 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reggie's always had a hard time in school but his parents didn't notice because he was able to keep his grades up. Now they have to read Shakespeare in English though and his B drops down to a D.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw//Panick attack, Yelling parents, an offhanded comment about child abuse.
> 
> I'm sorry that this one's so short, I couldn't think of how to make it longer

“Reginald, come down here,” Mr. Peter’s boomed.

Reggie’s heart stopped in his chest and their eyes went wide. They threw their math homework somewhere in their room and ran down the stairs as fast as his feet could carry him. “Y-yes father?”

His father slammed down his report card. “What is this? Why does this say you have a D in your English class?”

“I… I have trouble reading. I don’t know what it is the words just float on the page an-and I get headaches when I try and… I’m sorry.”

Their father shrugged. “Sorry? What you need to do is apply yourself alright. You need to quit that band of yours and do something useful with your life. You need to get your ass out of your head and work on your schoolwork.”

Reggie was on the verge of tears and they could feel the panic in his chest. “I’m sorry sir.”

“Don’t cry. Man up alright? You’re lucky that I haven’t laid a hand on you. If I had pulled something like this my father would have me bent over outside with a stick in his hand. Go to your room and I want you to read your English textbook. Read it until you understand what you’re supposed to do.”

“Y-yes, sir.” Reggie nodded and made their way back to his room. They ignored the unfinished math homework that was due the next day and grabbed his English work.   
The words swam off the pages in front of their eyes. Their head hurt but he kept going. He kept going until he had a migraine and it was well past midnight. He hadn’t processed most of what was read. Their breath caught in his throat.

They laid in his bed curled in the fetal position waiting for the exhaustion to take over.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Reggie get up it's time to go to school, you're going to be late!"

Reggie rushed to get up. He threw anything he might need into his backpack. He found whatever clothes were around and threw them on quickly before running down to Addie's room.

"Addie come on you gotta get up. You're coming to school with me today. I'm going to give your school a call okay? Can you get changed and meet me in my room when you're done?"

Addie sleepily nodded her head and stumbled over towards her small closet.

"Hello, this is Sunshade Elementary."

"Hi, this is Reginald Peters. I'm going to have to take my little sister Adeline Peters with me to school. Is there any chance you could get her attendance marked present? I'll make sure to pick up her schoolwork after school and get it completed."

"I'll do what I can do. Have a good day."

"Thank you, you too."

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Reg, I see you've got Addie today," Bobby said.

"Yeah. You know what I still don't have? A rhythm guitarist for Sunset Curve."

"I'll join once I get a little better okay? I promise."

"Really?" Reggie asked hopefully.

"Yeah. Now Ms. Addie are you excited to go to big kid school?"

Addie nodded her head. She only got to go with Reggie to school if they were running later. Usually, they'd drop Addie off at Elementary school but today he couldn't. The elementary school is on the other side of the county and walking her there would make him miss his first block.

"Alright well, I gotta meet Lex and Luke in the science room. I told them I'd help them prank Mr. Mateo so I'll see you in English."

As Reggie walked towards the school office he could feel the adrenaline leaving and the exhaustion coming back.

"Reggie, how are you today?" He was in the office so frequently they knew his nickname.

Reggie lifted Addie onto his left hip. "I'm good Mrs. Smith, I just came to let you know that my little sister's going to have to be with me today. I couldn't drop her off at school this morning."

"Hello Ms. Adeline, it's a pleasure to see you again. I assume you've already called her school?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Alright well, she can go to class with you, or she can stay here if she'd like."

"Addie do you want to stay here with Mrs. Smith or come to class with me?" Reggie hoped she'd stay in the office but they could see the hesitation behind her eyes.

"I've got some candy you can have."

At the sound of candy, she had Reggie put her down and ran around the other side of the desk. Mrs. Smith picked her up and told Reggie that she'd drop Addie off in the cafeteria during his lunch break and she could decide again what she wanted to do.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The first class of the day was math. He did fairly well in it, enough to be in Calc their sophomore year. He didn't know anyone in his class but it was okay because from their knowledge none of them were that nice anyway.

His next class was history. He did alright in the class since they didn't read from the textbook. He found it boring what they were currently doing, but they muscled through it. 

Once that class let out he made his way down to English. It was their last and most favorite class. He hated the subject but he got to see all three of his friends as well as getting lunch during it.

When the lunch bell rang Reggie hardly noticed. Their eyes were half-closed and their head rested heavy in their palm.

"Reg come on it's lunch."

Reggie was tired but still got up from his seat and made his way towards lunch. He'd just take a nap instead of eating. They left their bag and all their materials at the desk and followed out his friends. 

"You okay Reggie?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, m'fine just really tired."

Alex sensed that wasn't all, but he let the subject drop. He knew when and where to pry and the school cafeteria was not the place.

Adeline came running up to the table before any of them could register it. She ran and plopped herself right into Luke's lap. "Lukey look at the tiger I colored!" She held up a piece of paper that had the outline of a tiger, but the colors were all over the place. The sky was green, the tiger purple, the sun blue, and the grass yellow.

"Wow, you're an artist! I think I should frame this and put it up in my room."

For being an only child Luke always had been good with kids. Nobody knew why but since Addie was born he'd been the go-to babysitter. The only times that he freaked out is when Addie would accidentally poke a finger under his binder or tug on it. She'd done it more often when she was three, but sometimes if she felt the slight bump she'd still give it a pull.

Alex looked over and saw that Reggie was asleep on their folded arms. "Hey, Addie what're you doing after lunch?"

"I'm walking with Reggie."

"What if you walked with Luke instead?"

Luke sent Alex a look and followed the taller boy's stare to Reggie's sleeping form. "yeah Addie walk with me today. I haven't seen you in so so long."

"Okay, Lukey."

Alex had the next class with Reggie so he'd be able to tell Reggie where Addie had gone. Luke texted his mom asking if both Reggie and Addie could be picked up from school with him in the afternoon.

She agreed and asked if anyone else needed a ride, to which both Bobby and Alex said no. 

Mrs. Smith watched from the cafeteria doors. She was never sure how the group of four were so immature at times when they saw how they interacted with each other and with Addie. 

Reggie napped the rest of lunch and then for a while longer once they'd gotten to Luke's house. Emily had asked if she needed to watch Addie but Luke insisted he could do it. Emily nodded but reminded him that he should take his binder off for a little while before he hurt himself. 

"I'll take it off before I shower and leave it off until tomorrow. I promise. Now Ms. Addie here, I think she might need a dress because it's time for a princess tea party."

Emily laughed and went to go and grab one of the dresses that she kept in her room for Addie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to put the panic attack in the beginning this time to kinda show the after-effects of it for him. I also thought it'd be cute to send Addie to school with him. 
> 
> I so desperately need to see Luke caring for kids that aren't his. The parental instincts he has despite not being a father and being an only child.
> 
> I hope you liked this one. Comments and kudos are appreciated!!


	3. 1995 - Age 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've been waiting to play the Orpheum for years. Now all they're waiting for is the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Addie. I love her so much.  
> Bobby is Filipino. I got the words Lola, Lolo, and Anak from google translate so if they're wrong let me know and I'll fix them.
> 
> TW//Panic attack, mention of fighting parents, parents passed out drunk

Reggie didn’t think they’d get to play the Orpheum. They were well known but they weren’t that well known. He doubted that they’d be receiving the call any minute now as to if they were in or not. Bobby, who had joined the band four months ago, was trying out different chord progressions. Luke was writing music and glancing at the landline inside the house.

It was a little strange to everyone including Bobby’s Lola and Lolo for Luke to be in the house rather than Julie, but they didn’t mind. The two were in the kitchen cooking dinner and watching him stare at the phone that was on the wall.

Alma Wilson sighed as she chopped up a carrot. “Anak go be with your friends, if the phone rings I will answer it and tell them you can play.”

Luke shook his head and continued to write down some lyrics. “It’s alright Lola, I like watching you guys cook. Do you need any help while I’m in here?”

“No no, it’s alright we’ve got this. Why don’t you take the phone that’s up in the guest room and plug it into the studio?”

Luke shut the notebook in his hands and shoved his bitten pen into his pockets. “Can I? I’ll bring it right back after the phone call.” Luke started to run up the stairs to grab the phone. “You’re the best!”

The two grandparents shared a look before laughing at the boy's antics.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Guys! Guys! Lola said I could bring the guest room phone out here so we can all hear it.”

“I told you to do that in the first place man,” Bobby said, not looking up from his guitar.  
Luke shrugged and plugged it into the closest place he could. They all quickly played keeping their amps and instruments on the lowest settings.

An hour passed and the phone finally rang. Luke dropped everything that was in his hands and ran over to the phone, successfully tripping on every single item that was in front of him.

“Hello?”

“Hi is this Luke Patterson from Sunset Curve?”

“Yeah, yeah that’s me.”

“Hello, it’s Alice from the Orpheum I’m calling to let you know that you booked the gig. We’ll see you on July 22nd, the soundcheck will be at 7 pm and you’ll go on stage an hour later. Don’t be late and have a great day.”

They all stared at Luke expectantly. “Boys we did it!”

Everyone hugged and jumped around a bit, most of them falling over something that had been thrown on the floor while they ran to the phone.

Bobby was the first to let go of the hug. “Alright boys, let’s go celebrate.”

“Street dogs?” Luke asked.

“Luke, I don’t think those are even made of real meat, it’s probably street rats or something. We’re gonna get some real food, the pizzeria down the street.”

As they started walking the few blocks to the restaurant Reggie could feel the panic inside him. Their hands shook and their breaths were getting harder. They refused to have an attack in front of his friends, no matter how hard it was to control once it started. He opted for zoning out and getting any thought of the Orpheum out of his head.

 _We’re just getting food. We’re just getting food. I’m getting food and can take the leftovers to Addie and they can eat in her room. Maybe they can have another princess tea party. Could he still fit in those tiny chairs?_ He still remembered Alex getting stuck inside of the plastic table when they were having a princess picnic with her the previous week.

“-gie. Reg!”

Reggie flinched realizing that they were already there and had ordered. “Hmm?”

“Where’d you go?” Alex asked.

“What d’you mean?” Reggie asked.

Alex looked at Luke and Bobby for help but received none. “Like your body is here, obviously. But we tried talking to you and you just stared ahead. So where’d you go?”

“Oh, I was just thinking about Addie. I promised her a princess tea party when I got home.”

Bobby handed Reggie a few of the extra slices that were on the table. “Here, go on home. Don’t want to keep the princess waiting do we?”

“Tell her we say hi,” Luke said.

“I will, I’ll see you guys after school on Wednesday.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Addie are you home? I brought dinner.”

Adeline ran out of her room. She was wearing the purple princess dress that she almost always had on since Reggie showed her the Disney princesses. “Can we have a princess party?”

“Why of course your royal highness. Come climb upon your horse to take you to the party.” Reggie crouched down and waited for Addie to attach herself to their back.

He smiled as she laughed while he was galloping up the stairs. “Who am I today your highness? Am I a prince or am I a butler?”

“Prince Reggie!” she squealed as he dropped her softly on her bed.

“Prince Reginald Peters and Princess Adeline Peters.”

“No, Prince Reggie Patterson and Princess Adeline Peters.”

Reggie nearly choked on his spit hearing his first name with Luke’s last. “But Adeline you are my sister, we have the same last name.” He said in a more joking tone.

Adeline shook her head. “No today you are Luke’s brother. You are my boyfriend!”

Addie was so innocent. Reggie’s eyes went wide as they thought of how to explain why siblings couldn’t get married. They didn’t want to have to explain incest to her at the age of five. “But  
Addie, I want to be your brother. Please?”

Addie thought for a moment. “Okay.”

Reggie breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if she’d said no.

When they were finishing up the pizza Reggie hear the door slam and the screaming start. It was quiet but he knew it’d get louder, it always did. Addie couldn’t hear it yet. She wasn’t listening for it either.

“Princess Adeline I think it’s time to dance.” He turned on some music and turned it up, drowning out the screaming. He picked her up so she could dance on the bed and be his height. “Come  
on, let’s dance.”

“Reggie,” she whined, “they don’t dance like this at princess tea parties.

Reggie let a hand fly to his chest and gasped. “Are you sure? I’m going to let you in on a little secret okay?” Reggie leaned real close to Addie. “I went to a real princess tea party.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

After they danced a while, Reggie went down the stairs to grab some water for them both. Both of their parents were passed out on the couch and in a lounge chair. They brought up some warm milk to Addie instead hoping to get her asleep.

“I think it’s past your bedtime little one. I’ll come to wake you up tomorrow and you can come to school with me. How about that?”

Addie nodded and quickly drank her milk.

Reggie tucked Addie into bed after she finished and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Goodnight Addie.”

He went to their room and finally let the events of the day wash over them. Including the panic that he’d subdued for hours. The silent sobs are what he drifted off to sleep to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know I thought that Alex was my favorite... then Bobby... I think it might be Reggie though. What do you guys think?
> 
> I hope you liked it I'd love to read any comments or fic ideas.


	4. 1995 - Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were an hour from playing the biggest show of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW//Depiction of their death and mild panic attack  
> Sorry this chapter is so short
> 
> I like to think that the Pattersons took in any siblings that Alex or Reggie may have had all because of when Mitch hesitated when Julie asked if he had any other kids

“No no Luke come on you’ll be fine. It’ll all be fine okay just try to take some deep breaths and keep your eyes open.” Alex was hovering over Luke who was sprawled out on the floor. 911 had already been dialed and were on their way. “Luke we need to take off your binder. Please, it’ll help you breathe.”

Luke frantically shook his head. If he died he was dying with his binder on. He wasn’t going to risk being a ghost or wherever they go after they die without it.

Alex took a deep breath and coughed to the side of Luke, some blood spilling from his lips. “Reg? Bobby? Come here.”

The four of them huddled on the couch together trying to keep each other company and ease the pain. The nausea had stopped, they were no longer throwing up. They had more pressing matters. Luke was having difficulty breathing, Alex was coughing up blood, Bobby could feel himself going in and out of consciousness, and Reggie was having trouble keeping their eyes focused and open.

Luke shook his head and a sob made its way up his throat. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He could feel himself slipping away. He had gotten the most stuff on his hotdog, he was bound to go first and he knew it.

“Boys the paramedics are almost here you four just need to hold on a little bit longer okay?”

Rose came running down the alley once she’d heard about what was going. They weren’t allowed to get close though and had to watch as four members of Sunset Curve were loaded into an ambulance.

Luke and Alex were on stretchers while Bobby and Reggie sat on the sides. Reggie reached his arms out to their sides to hold Bobby and Luke’s hand and then Luke held tightly onto Alex. The four of them held on tight but were ripped away from each other as soon as they went to go and patch up Luke.

“No,” Reggie croaked out. His throat felt like he’d swallowed fire or battery acid. Though now that he thought about it the battery acid was plausible. That’s when he heard the first flatline, closely followed by the second. They could feel Bobby go slack against them and felt his own bloody cough fight its way out.

He knew he was next. The panic and the dread washed over him. Despite them telling him to keep his eyes open he closed them. Life wasn’t worth living if they weren’t with the band. They just hoped that Addie would be taken care of. Knowing Luke’s parents’ and Bobby’s grandparents’ she’d be taken care of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided Bobby dies with them because in my head Trevor and Bobby are different people. Trevor isn't mentioned anyways tho so idk why that mattered... Anyways what'd you think?"


	5. 2020 - Age 17 (Dead)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reggie learns some more identities, including one that might suit him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw//Panic Attack (more like his dissociating down to avoid it)

Alex poofed into the studio and immediately went into talking about his day with Willie. “I hung out with Willie today and they tried to teach me how to skateboard. Dude, it was terrifying, one minute you’re up high and the next you feel like you’re falling. It’s a good thing that we’re ghosts or I would have broken a bone or something. They said that I probably wouldn’t have broken a bone and would have just scraped my knees or something but I dunno.”

“They?” Bobby asked. “Who else were you with?”

“Just Willie. He uses He/They pronouns so I just kinda go between them you know?”

“Why does he use ‘they’ for just themselves? I mean not judging obviously.” Luke waved a hand at where his binder was. “I’m just curious.”

“Okay don’t quote me because I’m still a little confused. He said he was nonbinary I think is the term? Yeah, so they said they were nonbinary and explained to me that basically, they aren’t a boy or a girl they’re kinda in between. Specifically, I think he said demiboy? Before I could ask what that meant though we kinda got distracted. There was a little girl in the skate park and we wanted to make sure that nobody did anything mean you know?”

“Hey, Alex?” Reggie asked.

“Yeah, man?”

“Could I go talk to Willie? I just want to understand them better and get to know them more considering that they’re your boyfr- partner.”

“Go ahead, he said that they were gonna stay at the skatepark a little longer so you should find them there.”

Reggie nodded and poofed to where they hoped the skatepark was.

They nearly got run over by Willie because he landed in the middle of the bowl.

“Oh hey man what’s up?”

“Uh…” Reggie hadn’t exactly thought it through.

“Let’s go sit yeah?”

As the two got situated on the bench Willie talked. “It’s nice to like officially meet you and hang out with you. Willie talks a lot about the band so it sorta feels like I know you, but like I don’t.”  
Reggie smiled. Talking to Willie was easier than he expected; maybe that was why Alex had opened up to him so quickly. “Yeah. Actually uh I had a question. So Alex was talking today and he called you ‘they’. He sorta explained the whole nonbinary thing but could you explain it? I’m just a little confused about it.”

“Alright, tell me what you do know so that I don’t over-explain it.”

“Okay well, Alex said being nonbinary is not being a girl or a boy and being somewhere in between. He said that you use he/they pronouns because you’re a demiboy. He said that you guys got distracted though so he doesn’t know what a demiboy is.”

“Alright well, you gist the gist of it. So as you said nonbinary is the in-between but it can also be just no gender at all or a sliding scale. Some people just go by nonbinary as a label, but others go by micro labels. So an example of it sliding is genderfluid, like some days they feel like a boy, some days like a girl, and some days like neither. Most people who are neither go by the term agender. I’m a demiboy, I think the label is still kinda a work in progress. That means that I partially identify with being a boy but not wholly. I also identify with not having a gender. For me, it’s a sliding scale but it doesn’t go all the way to feeling like a girl. It’s a scale between a boy and neither. Does that make sense?”

Reggie nodded. He processed everything and realized that’s how they’d felt too. Their whole lives just sometimes masculine terms felt wrong. He’d rather be referred to as a person than a boy. He liked Reggie more than Reginald because it could be a nickname for a feminine name too. 

“Hey dude you okay?”

“Um yeah, it’s just uh… I might be uh… it’s just that I-”

“You might be nonbinary?” Willie asked since the words were stuck in Reggie's throat.

The younger one just nodded as tears burned their eyes.

“Hey, that’s perfectly fine. Don’t worry about it alright. What pronouns do you want me to use for you?”  
Reggie’s brain stopped working. It shut off not allowing him to process the feeling of panic and the feeling of needing to come out again. Coming out as bisexual in the 90s was hard enough but now he had to come out again.

Willie waited for the response and just sat next to Reggie. They pulled Reggie’s head down to sit on their shoulder and wrapped an arm around them. This was different than the type of panic and anxiety attacks that Alex had, but they’d help however they could.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

When Reggie was able to function again he was disoriented. The sky that had been blue before was now turning orange and the skate park was much emptier than it had been before. Willie was still beside him, running a comforting hand from their shoulder to their elbow.

“Sorry.”

Willie shook his head. “Nothing to be sorry for.”

The two sat in silence a little longer. This gave time for Reggie to think about his pronouns and gather his bearings.

Reggie sighed leaning more into Willie’s embrace. “I think I also want to use he/they pronouns.”

“Okay.”

“Hey, Willie?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I might have a crush on you. I know you’re dating Alex so I’m not going to try and get between that but thought you’d wanna know. I guess that was dumb though huh?”

Wille laughed. “Nah. Can I be honest?”

“Yeah.”

“Alex and I have been talking. He really likes you, Luke, and Bobby. He talks about you guys so much that I think I might like you too.”

Now it was Reggie’s turn to laugh. “Luke and Bobby had cornered me one day and said the same but about you and Alex.”

“Should we share the news?” Willie asked.

“Yeah, after the sunset though?”

“After the sunset.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm living for he/they and they/them Willie. Also he/they Reggie is nice and I love it.
> 
> I like to think that Willie is laid back and chill like this. He doesn't pry and he just lets people do things at their own pace and will sit and watch the sunset with you in silence if you want.


	6. 2020 - Age 17 (Deadish)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reggie's just now realizing how dead he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW//Panic attack and also the talk of death and a slight mention of child abuse
> 
> I think this is the longest chapter.

Who would have thought that dying from street dogs could have led to such a great afterlife? Julie and the Phantoms were now playing at different proms and all the school dances at Los Feliz, they had small regular gigs and were able to touch Julie and be seen by lifers who had a close connection to Julie.

The five ghosts were in a great relationship with each other which led to the stamp coming off of Willie. It wasn’t known to anyone how any of Caleb's or Julie's ghost magic worked but Willie had the same solidness as the rest of the band.

Reggie had woken up and everything had just felt slightly off. Not enough for him to worry about it though, he assumed that he just hadn’t gotten enough sleep. 

Bobby was out at his grandparents’ graves. It was his Lola's birthday and he thought that if they were around they’d visit her grave. That’s what he’d done on his birthday.

Luke was out at his parents’ house just watching as they went about their life. It gave Luke a sense of normalcy that he craved sometimes.

Alex and Willie were out skateboarding. Reggie had a feeling that Willie was doing all the skateboarding and that Alex was just blushing every time his crop top went up some.

Julie and Flynn were out on one of their “date not dates” as Julie called them. They were going to the bookstore and then getting lunch after.

He’d asked Julie if he could try her eyeliner and she’d agreed. They were currently in the bathroom trying not to smudge the eyeliner. He used the pencil at first scared of the liquid getting in their eye. After a half-hour though they gave up and used the liquid liner very carefully.

Today they were having band practice and both Flynn and Willie were going to be there to watch. Reggie wanted to wear the eyeliner because it’d been two years since the sunset curve members had seen it, excluding the 25 years in the darkroom.

Everyone came back into the room when it was time for practice.

“Is that eyeliner?” Bobby asked. making a beeline for Reggie. Reggie flinched back still not fully recovered from when his parents used to hit him. “Sorry, can I?”  
Reggie nodded.

Bobby came closer, touching Reggie's shoulder and waist before bringing a hand up to his face. “Reg this looks great. I haven’t seen you wear this in a long time.”

“Thanks,” Reggie whispered. He let his eyes flutter closed so that Bobby could see the full scale of his work.

Luke came up behind Bobby starling the two who had been away in their own world. “As much as I love Reggie with eyeliner we need to practice.”

“What songs are we going to practice?” Reggie asked.

“What if we try some covers? I had shown some to Luke and Alex the other day when you went to go talk with Willie. I found the bass tabs for them if you want to try them out. For now, we’ll have Luke and Alex do harmonies since you don’t know the songs. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure!”

He bounded over to his bass and to the papers Julie had printed for him. The others took seats at their respective instruments while Willie and Flynn sat on the couch. Alex counted them in and Julie’s singing started immediately.

“ _If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river at dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song._ ”

Reggie tried to keep up with the bass tabs. Once they got past the chorus he realized the tabs were pretty repetitive so he looked less on them and let his mind wander some. He realized that he had a funeral. His sister, who would now be thirty, had probably attended that funeral. 

“ _Life ain’t always what you think it ought to be, no. Ain’t even grey, but she buries her baby._ ” 

Reggie doubts his mother had gone to their funeral. She’d gotten sick of the fighting after a while and started drinking like their father. She was probably either hungover through the whole thing or passed out on the couch.

“ _So put on your best boys, and I’ll wear my pearls. What I never did is done._ ” 

They wondered what they’d been buried in. Were they buried in the clothes that they’d died in? He also wondered what their unfinished had been. It wasn’t the Orpheum. Or at least not in the way that they’d thought. Maybe the three of them had to be with Bobby or perform their original setlist. Maybe it was getting Adeline away and becoming her legal guardian as he’d planned.

“ _And maybe then you’ll hear the words I’ve been singing. Funny when you’re dead how people start listening._ ” 

For Reggie, this had two meanings. Their parents never listened to Sunset Curve. He had given him their demo but it was just another thing that got thrown and broken in a fight. They’d invited their parents to see them at the Orpheum but then he died.

He died.

They’d died and never grieved their own death. They’d been too wrapped up with Caleb to even really process that they were dead. Sure he was aware they’d died and that they had been for 25 years. But it hadn’t fully sunk in. Their body was buried somewhere below his feet and everyone he loved except for his bandmates had moved on.

He’d been able to finish the song on autopilot but could feel himself shutting down. He didn’t want to though. He wanted to process and grieve his death because if he didn’t now, this would happen later. The bass was now weighing heavy on his shoulder and his thoughts heavy on his chest.

Flynn and Julie left the room knowing that this was a ghost issue. Alex promised to come and get them once Reggie was okay.

Through the fog that was around their brain, they could feel someone lifting his bass and someone else guiding them towards the couch. He was seated against the rough leather and their head was pulled down onto someone’s shoulder, probably Willie’s. He was turned sideways into the lap of whoever’s shoulder they were on. Their legs were swung over someone’s lap and another was pressed against his back.

The smell of cinnamon let him know that he was right, he was on Willie’s lap. Behind him was pine which meant Alex. It meant that Luke must be the one rubbing circles on his calves. Bobby, who was never good with the emotional side of things, had kept some space between himself and the mass of emotion.

As he got closer he felt the need to protect Reggie, especially since Reggie was the youngest of the group. All the space around him was taken so he sat on the floor and pressed the side of his face into the top of Reggie's thigh. He moved his hand to draw some random words and doodles on a patch of skin.

Reggie’s mind was still in a fog but he hadn’t slipped any further. The little touches weren’t enough to pull him out but it was enough to keep him steady. They were like a life preserver.   
Except they no longer had a life. Because they were dead. 

He hadn’t realized that he was crying or that there was a lack of air in his lungs.

Willie grabbed Reggie’s hand and placed it against their own chest, right over his heart. “Reggie, come on you gotta breathe man. Breathe in and breathe out okay? Just follow me.” Willie exaggerated his breathing and Alex did the same in time with Willie. He was able to coax some air into his lungs and the fog in his mind retreated only a little.

“I’m dead.” He whispered it so quietly that if any of them had so much scooted a centimeter the noise would have covered the statement.

That’s when the other four realized what had happened. They’d all grieved their own deaths already. Mostly separate but none had been hit as hard as Reggie.

Willie had grieved his a few years before the other four had died. He’d been skating and seen someone else get hit by a car. They watched the person die and watched and they floated into the air. He’d never known the person, but he grieved them. They grieved that person’s death as if it was their own. It practically had been, they’d both died the same way.

Bobby grieved his death as he grieved the death of his Lola and Lolo. He visited their grave and his own since it was just a few feet from theirs. He didn’t ever really get hit with it though, not the way Reggie or Alex had. Once he’d seen the gravestone he realized he was truly dead and that he was standing over his body. He accepted that. He knew that with life came death, but that he was granted what seemed like a second life.

Luke wasn’t done with his grief. He was getting there though. He visited his parents often, sometimes to watch sometimes to pretend he was there. He knew he was dead. He knew that the witty comebacks and his clumsiness weren’t going to get anymore laughs but he was okay with that. Not fully but he was getting there. He was thinking of letting his parents know he was there, maybe he’d be able to interact with them. Let them know through more than Unsaid Emily that he wasn’t mad at them. His mom reading unsaid Emily is what really helped him move on. Just knowing that she knew he didn’t have any hurt feelings.

Alex had known he was dead since he’d told Julie he was a ghost. He was working through it. When he wasn’t able to find his family or when he wasn’t able to open doors is when he realized just how dead he was. He craved the normalcy Luke did, but different. He would rather walk places than poof there. He liked the feeling of opening doors and walking through doorways rather than walking through the doors. He hated the feeling of people walking through him so if we were on the street he’d dodge people even though he didn’t need to.

Nobody knew what to say. Except for Luke.

“Do you want help finding your family? Finding Addie?”

Reggie nodded but then shook his head after. He wanted to say yes, but not yet. He opened his mouth to speak but his mind was still blurry.

“Take your time Reg, maybe take a nap first?” Bobby questioned. He traced small I love yous into Reggie’s side.

Reggie nodded again and then the safety of his friends lull him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I write something where Reggie goes to find his sister or Alex finding his family?

**Author's Note:**

> I just love Reggie having a little sister. Hope you liked this!  
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated, onto the next chapter. I'd love ideas for fics too.


End file.
